Monday, September 28, 2009 / 4:49 AM
I'm not going to be sacarstic.
I'm not going to hide my fears anymore.
I know I say this all the time. I look back at my previous blog posts and I see myself saying this.
But I mean, who can really help feeling this way? I'm desperate, stressed& feeling so horrible. I cant even describe it. I cant even cry when I want to. Stupid ball of mud stuck on my eyes and my throat.
I want everything to stop. I want it to stop.
This is not like before.
This is crazy. & seriously crazy.
I have no idea how it was so easy to tell myself to Press on!& Move on! during my midyears.
No matter how I tell myself that. I really can't do it. Really can't do it.
I really wished someone could listen to me and give me the encouragement i need. Thats all I really want now. But probably because of all the lies I've told, the horrible person I've become.
I'm left with no one. Even though the image flickers in my brain so often. So constant. I've grown used to it. Until now, when I finally found out that it wasnt what I always thought it was.
What a pathetic sight.
But yeah, really. What can I really do now?
I want to bawl& yet I cant bawl.
Death looks so viable when the window was open just now. But no, I'm not a suicidal kid. Best thing is, people who suicide go to hell. I dont want that.
Presson. Moveon. Someone tell me how to do that.